Masculinity and the Left

 In a discord I am in there was some discussion a few days back about whether there are elements in leftism which unfairly target and alienate men who otherwise could be converted to the cause, and I wanted to express my thoughts on that, but in a less public place, because I am anxious about being misapprehended, or accidentally simply saying something I don’t really mean, or, lets be honest, outright saying I do mean that is dumb and being called on it. So I’m posting it here, nominally public but where no one is likely to call me out.

Anyway, some people were identifying it as pop culture feminism, but honestly I think it is overly reductive to say that only pop culture feminism could possibly alienate men who could otherwise be converted. Those people saying it, I think, were doing so out of a similar impulse to my own impulse to discuss it here rather than publicly - because publicly stating that leftism broadly might alienate men is an opinion that will absolutely get you attacked in leftist spaces, not necessarily even because anyone disagrees, but because of the idea that men who would be alienated by leftist positions are worth reaching out to. And to some degree, that encapsulates the problem fairly succinctly - the mainstream position among leftists is that any man alienated by the statement of leftists positions is essentially already a Nazi and not worth engaging with.

I think that the truth is more nuanced. Definitely there are some “pop feminists” on the left, particularly among liberals whom, to be honest, are not really left at all and certainly not “leftist” if that term is to have any meaning, that say things like, “All men are trash” unironically and very possibly do not even mean for it to be an unfair generalization said to make a point but straight up literally, and certainly those statements likely do alienate some men. I do think that there are two other things that should be addressed. First, are there more truly leftist people who say things, either similar to these or different ones, which would also alienate large groups of men? And if so, could these men be converted through some other approach?

For the first question, this is controversial, but I think the answer is yes. A more nuanced, accurate, non-controversial among leftists statement might be “The patriarchy must be overthrown.” And I think a lot of the men who are alienated by “All men are trash,” would also be alienated by that statement. There are probably some who can draw the distinction, but I think most men who are incapable of making the mental jump from “I do not need to be offended at ‘All men are trash’ if I am a man who treats women and other oppressed groups with respect” are similarly incapable of making the jump of “Calls to overthrow the patriarchy do not necessarily mark me, a man, as an enemy.” The difference, however, is the first statement is an unfair generalization (which nevertheless gets said by those nominally on the left and which I would also nevertheless say a leftist man should just take in stride, knowing they are one of the good ones) while the second is absolutely a uncontroversial statement for a leftist to make, so any man who is going to be converted to a leftist needs to be able to understand that the second statement is not an attack on them, even if they cannot do so for the first.

So, to the second question, can these men be converted to leftism? I would say the answer is yes, and would even go further and say the answer is probably yes even for significantly more extreme people and yes, even actual Nazis. However, I do not think that simply refraining from making statements like these will do it. I also do not think any reasonable amount of organized leftist “outreach” to men like these makes a whole lot of sense. Men who are offended at these statements are not lost causes, but what they are, is difficult. There aren’t likely to be converted by token mass outreach unless said outreach compromises leftist principles by deliberately catering to men - something which absolutely always will compromise leftist principles, because a leftist movement that centers men is not a leftist movement. Leftism should be sensitive to men’s needs, to be sure, as it is about intersectionality and solidarity, but as an oppressor group, they cannot be the center of the conversation, and any leftist men need to understand that to be real allies.

You cannot simply expect right leaning men to understand that from any kind of mass messaging campaign. The only way these type of men are going to be converted is if someone they trust and respect sits down with them and talks through these issues with them. That sort of outreach is not going to happen on social media, where most of these alienating statements happen. Its gonna have to be sons and daughters and wives and coworkers and pastors reaching out to these men, and it will probably take some time and a lot of effort to get through to them. Some might get it after a single talk, but others will require a lifetime of work. And while doing that work is valuable and should be done, it should not be a priority of the leftist movement as a whole. Rather, individual leftists who have personal connections to right leaning people should be taking it upon themselves to do this outreach, as they are the only ones who can, while the movement focuses on outreach to oppressed peoples who are politically disaffected, who are a more natural and responsive group for the left to convert. Once a man understands and has internalized leftist principles, statements like those above should not be significant issues, as they’ll understand the context and that they are not meant as personal attacks on their identity, but until they have that perspective, you cannot expect them to grasp that. I also think that many leftists are unwilling to put in this work, they’d rather freeze out family members and friends who express right wing views, either for safety reason, which wre understandable, or just because they view such as so abhorrent, and I can totally understand and empathize with that perspective, but I do also think it is counterproductive in the long term. Do what you need to do to exist, and if that means cutting off all contact with right wing people in your personal life, then so be it, but if you can put in the effort to reach out to these people and talk them off a cliff, thats the better route.

As such, however, I honestly do not think it really matters that much if leftists say these alienating statements amongst themselves. Ones which are above reproach cannot be avoided if we are not compromising our values, and they will be alienating regardless, which makes sloppier, more mean spirited generalizations nevertheless a bit shrug worthy. Best practices would be to avoid them, but am I as a leftist man going to ask a woman who has just been sexually harassed not to say all men are trash? No, I am not. I can just shrug and ignore it knowing she doesn’t mean me, or even if she does, that she has a good reason to be mad.

I do think, though, that it makes sense for leftist men specifically to try to create and foster a new model of masculinity, The manosphere is, IMO, more a symptom than a cause of our social ills, but its a self feeding system. It may not be the origin, but it’s making it worse, and leftist men providing a counter model and a counter narrative has value. It needs to be leftist men doing this, though, because the movement as a whole has other priorities that should be focused on, and any such model should also be sure to include issues of general class consciousness, intersectionality, and how the patriarchy and capitalism harm men in its pitch so that young men who have not yet been captured by the manosphere can understand left principles as a whole, but also that it is possible to be a masculine man on the left without compromising your leftism or your manhood.

 My personal relationship to masculinity is difficult to explicate, and to be honest I am not sure whether or not I truly identify as a man, or what it means to do so, as I’ve never experience gender euphoria or identification with a gender as far as I can tell. When I was younger I did experience dysphoria related to whether or not I was manly enough and whenever I was challenged for not being manly enough, but in my early twenties, a female friend of mine scoffed at me mentioning offhandedly mild insecurity about drinking a pink drink and said I was the manliest man she knew, which for some reason freed me from that, and since then I haven’t really felt any feelings regarding my gender at all, or at least none that I can explain adequately. That being said, I also do not identify as anything else - I present masculine, I have no issues with male pronouns, so I consider myself male by default. It is the gender I was assigned and while I feel no ownership of it, it does not bother me to be labeled as such. I am getting a little sidetracked here, but where I was trying to go is I do feel some affinity for what my wife terms the “dominant orangutan” model of masculinity. I wrote an essay about this a few years ago, but to quickly summarize, in orangutans, there are essentially three genders: females, dominant males, and nomadic males. These are not necessarily the terms used by scientists, I am speaking from memory, but broadly speaking, dominant male orangutans claim a territory that overlaps with several females, and they protect those females. They also grow larger than nomadic males, with a distinct broadened face and longer, dreadlocked fur all over their bodies. Nomadic males stay small with normal faces, and attempt to reproduce stealthily by avoiding dominant males and forcing themselves on the females. I see myself as a husband and father first, and am very protective of my wife and kids - I am also extremely large, and so I do kind of identify with that as a possible model of my masculinity, if you want to call it that, but I do not identify with a masculinity concerned with sexual conquest, public displays of competitiveness or strength in order to intimidate others, or other toxic masculine traits. I think something along those lines, a masculinity focused on protection and advocacy for others could serve as a model for leftist men, although it need not be the only one. There can be others. I do think developing one or more is of value, but I also do think its not going to solve the problem. The problem with the manosphere, the loneliness epidemic among men, and the alienation of men from the left is one which I think can only be solved slowly by building personal connections.